University of Wisconsin - Madison
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1. There once was a guy named Tadmor
Who climed up the cliffs near the shore
Of a lake of great fame
(Devil's Lake is its name)
And sudd'nly it started to pour.
There were ugly black clouds Draconian
And the downpour was quite Amazonian
And Zehev got drenched
And his sandals were blenched--
He was lucky the rain was Newtonian.
That evening I wrote in my journal:
"Then after the rainstorm infernal,
We dined on fried chicken
(With much finger lickin')
Which Zehev had bought from the Colonel. rbb
2. A student came in to see Warren
And said in a voice quite forlor'n
"I can't find a path
Through this quagmire of math.
These nablas to me are quite foreign.
So Warren, who's also called "Earl"
Decided to help this young girl.
Without using a book
He unflinchingly took
The Laplacian of grad div curl curl!! rbb
3. For John Wiest and Steve Burdette (on a canoe trip)
Said John, "It'll be quite a smash!"
Macaroni I'll fix in a flash!"
But he dropped the pot
Because it was hot--
And then came a rheological splash.
Then Steve ate blueberry cheese cake
(The kind you don't have to bake)
And mint tea he slurped
And joyously burped--
Then sprinted and jumped in the lake. rbb
4. For ASL and Helen at his retirement party:
You have lots of probems because
Your accent still has a few flaws,
To cite just one case
What we call a VASE
You insist on calling a VAHZ.
You always say SIPRA, never SPIRREL
You alwyas say CURL, never KIRREL.
But once in a while
You make us all smile
With the very cute way you say SQUIRREL.
Arthur Lodge likes liquids elastic
He describes their motions fantastic
With tensors and functions
And networks with junctions
And theories iconoclastic.
We all know a lady named HELEN
Who's really quite good at her spellin'
And her history is fine
And her English divine (!)
And she's nice as a honey-dew melon. rbb
5. Chuck Curtiss (who's never called Charles)
Is always quite helpful--never quarrels.
But if somebody whistles
Then Chuck really bristles
And crumples up paper and snarls rbb
6. To JLSchrag on his 50th birthday (4/14/1987)
There once was a fellow named Schrag
Who set all the chemists agog
He took lots of data
On G-prime and eta
And plotted it up on log-log. rbb
7. Before Lightfoot joined B-squared and Stewart
Engineers found math hard, couldn't do it.
But with "Transport Phenomena"
Advances are commoner;
Even undergrad students get through it asl
8. An usuaual bird is the "byron"
I spend most of my time just admyron
The way that this chap
Never gets in a flap
But works day and night--it's inspyron! asl
9. Incredibly cool is Stu Cooper
He never produces a blooper.
With cookies from Marilyn
He goes right on barrelin'
Through mountains of work--he is super.
In canoeing Stu's also quite cool
And he floats right along--as a rule.
But twice he has flunked
And in rapids has dunked--
On the Flambeau as well as the Brule rbb
10. I just read a limerick by Bird
That has many a delightful word.
But, alas, it is flawed.
Now isn't that odd!
Ubiqu I tous is where he erred. BJYarusso
11. There once was a chemist named KUHN
Who started with dumbbells quite soon
According to FLORY
That's the start of the story
Since then the field has ballooned. rbb
12. Two scholars named EDWARDS and DOI
Have filled us with feelings of joy.
Their use of reptations
Have raised expectations--
Their model's a wonderful toy. rbb
13. Uibiquitous ROGER I. TANNER
Is pleasant in word and in manneer.
He does theory in French
And uses a wrench--
In the lab--and sometimes a "spanner." rbb
14. To Zehev Tadmor:
There is a rheologist, "Z"
Who works with both zest an with glee.
He's very didactical
With prhases syntactical
(He's also quite practical)
He las lots of pizzazz and esprit.
There's not much that rhymes with ZEHEV
Save chef, and bass clef, and Negev.
But there are many more
That rhyme with TADMOR
But none of them end with an "f". rbb
15. To Phil Leider, who did squeeze-flow experiments:
There once w as a fellow named PHIL
Who went hiking, got soaked, got a chill
He then started sneezing
In the midst of his squeezing.
Said he: "Ach! Gesundheit! Bleib still." rbb
16. On occasion of RBB seminar at Berkeley "Beads, Springs, and Other
Rheological Toys in Polymer Dynamics":
A rheological species of BIRD
To the campeus at Berkeley was lured,
To explain to the boys
How beads and such toys
Are useful, not really absurd! MCWilliams
17. An affable scholar named SPRIGGS,
Whose theories had branchs and twigs,
Was too high-falutin'
To eat a Fig Newton
That's made from Newtonian figs. rbb
18. Tom Spriggs was tops in rheology
And often read works on philology
But once in a rage
He ate half a page
Of a book on "Groups and Topology." rbb
19. The was a professor named Bird
Of whom, no doubt, you have heard.
He spoke Japanese and Dutch,
Which was really too much,
And probably could speak to a Kurd. Ian Macdonald
20. An eminent linguist named TSCHOEGL
At an age when he barely could gurgle
Knew Turkish and Frisian
And old Indonesian---
And that BIRDS in German are VOEGEL. rbb
21. Gary Leal's on a suspensional binge
From Pasadena all the way to Stonehenge
But in Japan please be wary
For your name sounds like "geri"
Which means "Montezuma's Revenge." rbb
22. While the scholarly RUTHERFORD ARIS
Was enjoying a terrace in Paris
He drank Cafe Espresso
Contemplating the "heso" ("heso" is a Japanese word)
Of Verdi's seductress Amneris. rbb
23. To JDF
There once was a Prof named Ferry
Who was born in the Yukon (cold? very!).
He did research fantastic
And viscoelastic
In America's Land called Dairy.
rbb
24. We all know a student named Huppler -
Of theory and data, a coupler;
In his grapplings with goo,
He is equaled by few,
While his wits become suppler and suppler. asl
25. To the tune of "Tit Willow" from "The Mikado" by Gilbert and Sullivan:
(Sung by Timothy Lodge, accompanied by Arthur Lodge, at Bob Bird's 70th birthday party)
"On the bank of a river, A Texas Bird sat,
Moaning, "Paddle! Let's paddle! Let's paddle!
It's five in the morning - there's no time for chat!
Let's paddle! Let's paddle! Let's paddle!
Now if you remain supine and somnolent, I
Will pull up your tent pegs, awning, and fly;
For there's still one long portage before all can cry,
Let's paddle! Let's paddle! Let's paddle!"
In a room full of students, a mid-West Bird talks.
Oh, Hirschfelder, Curtiss, and Bird!
"This theory's quite simple: y'all know random walks!"
Oh, Hassager, Armstrong, and Bird!
"Who needs any tubes, Maxwell demons, or blobs?
Our model's transparent; our springs end in knobs."
(And the math's all been checked by three colleagues of Bob's.)
Oh, Armstrong, Chuck Curtiss, and Bird!
At a desk by a window, a fluent Bird wrote,
Using Kanji, Katakana, and Dutch.
A sudden thought smote him: "Some time I'll devote
To learn British English, and such.
With words like pantechnicon, tiresome, and stodge,
No longer my logic the British will dodge.
I might even discuss body tensors with Lodge;
Taking umbrage - first little, then much!" asl
26. Weissenberg said, "In liquids, confess
That large strains sometimes govern the stress."
Remarked Rivlin, "No drivelling!
In flows steady, though swivelling,
Th' elastic part must evanesce."
Then along came young Oldroyd, J. G.
"Things aren't quite as they seem, now;" said he;
For Hencky selected
Components convected;
The result: a new d by dt." asl
27. Produced at John Schrag's retirement party:
What! A physicist hired by a chemisht!
Was there e'er an escutcheon so blemished?
But just think how cleverly
John teamed up with Beverly:
His low stock of good sense she replenished! asl
Last Modified: Wednesday, 28-May-2003 17:47:31 CDT
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